Ever since I got back from Hawaii, my legs and I have seen the light. These burritos ‘o mine are now wearing running shorts. It’s somewhat liberating to make visible something I had intentionally kept invisible in the past. To let myself be seen. As is.
When I had it – at least I thought I had it at some point – I should have flaunted it. I took my young, firm skin for granted. But I was much more shy back then. Now? Yes, I’m still an introvert at heart, but I don’t look too bad for my age, so part of me wants to flaunt whatever it is I have left while gravity is still my friend. I have ab muscles. I don’t know where they came from, and they might look a little like a wrinkly four-pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls during the rising process, but they’re there. I believe that they’re a product of my intense overthinking. After all, something good should come of overworking my brain in circles. Problem is, I might look good for 48 – we Asians hold together well – but not so good for 38. Get my drift?
[I can’t believe I just outed my real age. Oh, what the hell. I will display my age proudly. I just won’t display photos of it here on my blog. I may be crazy, but I’m not insane. Yet.]
See, I live in a small, coastal town. It doesn’t get warm enough to wear shorts very often, so people don’t see a lot of skin around here. Hawaii? No problem. Young skin, aging skin – what does it matter? Everyone looks like bronzed demi-gods over there. But here? People pull on their t-shirts, light wash jeans, sneakers, and their Patagonia jackets to go out on the town. They might even wear that outfit to the beach.
The sun is out and it is unusually warm. I am tempted to go for a run wearing less clothing than I ever have before. I want to feel free to do this. If I didn’t have to wear my glasses, I would absolutely wear sunglasses. That way, I could feel anonymous. I might mistake a fire hydrant for a dog, but if it makes me more brave, I will trade clear vision for shades. I’m sure I’ll be able to determine whether or not that object coming towards me is a car, right? Maybe I need a sacrificial running buddy.
Suddenly, I’m not so concerned about my thighs anymore.
jane in training 
…hey, i WISH i had abs that looked like a wrinkly four-pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls during the rising process (mine look like the dough as it’s still being kneaded)…
…personally, i think you look 38 (a very attractive 38, i might add)…i think you should feel free to show yer stuff ’cause it’s definitely worth showing (like you said, gotta do it while gravity is still a friend! no matter how hard you work at it, nobody looks truly tight and toned after a certain age, so flaunt it while you still can)…
…sacrificial running buddy? remind me never to exercise with you…
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If you find an old-looking Asian, it’s because they ARE old. Age has finally caught up to them around the age of 115.
We’ve walked together, remember? I never really needed to tie my shoe – I always made you start crossing the street first as a precaution.
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…i just looked in the mirror and my asian age-defying gene is definitely malfunctioning…
…wow, i totally blanked on the fact that we used to walk; another example of my rapidly encroaching decrepitude…
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do you feel old inside? you should do things that make you feel young. Legal things.
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i have seen the abs and they do NOT look like a “wrinkly four-pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls.”
…aaand now i’m suddenly hungry.
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Thanks for saying my rolls aren’t wrinkly. I’ll be sending you that Benjamin in the mail…and some King’s Hawaiian.
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Are you the one with crazy juju who read my About page?
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