2000 – 2012
I seem to be saying a lot of farewells this month.
We had to put our cat to sleep a few days ago. The tumors in her throat began to hamper her breathing and her ability to eat, and her already petite frame began to shrink more rapidly than it had in the past month. It was difficult to say goodbye, because this would be forever.
My ex and I have been talking about her, sharing many memories of what a good cat she was, despite the numerous animals, reptiles and insects she brought into the house. Birds, lizards, mice, rats, crickets… I started to get used to seeing these creatures – I wasn’t even too shocked when, one morning, I found a live mouse curled up in one of my running shoes. Prolific hunting seemed to be in her DNA, so she was just doing her job. Granted, she took it too far sometimes, like the time she dropped a dead rat at our feet while we were entertaining guests (I guess she had gotten the memo that it was a potluck), and another time when she attacked one of our friend’s dreadlocks as it hung over the back of the sofa.
She was the boss of me. She would use her Jedi mind control to get me to feed her, and sometimes I would find myself opening up another can if she turned her nose up at the first one. I would wonder, she will eat a rat’s ass but not this delicious tuna and chicken medley?? But I obeyed because her will was stronger than mine. To keep me in line, sometimes she would raise her paw and hit me on the back of my calf as I walked by her or even sprint past me and do the same if I was standing still.
Animals never live long enough. But the joy of having her in my life is something for which I will always be grateful.
Good night, sweet desk.
Last night, I cleaned my work desk for the very last time. Some might argue that it’s the first time I’ve ever cleaned my desk. Details, details.
If you’ve read I’m Leaving You – Part 1, then you know my plan of leaving my job with hardly any plan at all. I would say I’m still in denial, but you know what…I don’t think I am. I was lucky enough to leave on my own terms and I had the opportunity to say all my farewells and thank yous to all the fantastic people I’ve met and worked with.
Months ago, when I first made the concrete decision to leave, I burst into tears. I was overcome with the realization of how much my identity was tied to my workplace, and I wondered how I was going to do without some of the best co-workers and friends I’ve ever known. As the weeks flew by, I began to feel more at home with my decision. Having that time allowed me to appreciate the people around me all the more, knowing that I was incredibly lucky to be in the presence of such…greatness. I did my best to tell them, although I cloaked some of it in what I call my sense of humor. If I had the money (and a business plan), I would steal some of them away and create an empire by investing in their brain power and creativity. We would be unstoppable.
I’ll be having a farewell dinner with some of my girlfriends in a few days. This is where I’m truly in denial, because I refuse to think about it. In fact, I’ll stop right now. Can’t go on.
I gave notice at work yesterday. After nine years of my life there, I’ll be cleaning my desk and moving in a few weeks. Compared to my break up with my boyfriend last year, this was a breeze.
Of course, I’m pretty sure I’m in denial. I’ll be leaving a place where I very much felt I belonged: great co-workers and friends, volunteers always feeding and fussing over me. Not to mention the satisfaction of knowing the ins and outs of my job. At some point, the loss of all those things will probably hit me like a ton of bricks.
So why leave?
I don’t mean to get all granola-y, but my inner compass tells me to go. It’s been pointing north for a while now. Add to that my single status and the fact that I’ve gotten burnt out from people leaving our department and not being replaced…well, it just seems to make sense to me. I’ve made mistakes before by staying too long because I was too comfortable or scared to leave.
So, I’m ready to take a leap of faith in myself. And it’s a huge leap because I don’t have a very good plan for my next step. In fact, I don’t really have a plan.
I never claimed to be smart. I’m just following my heart this time, not my head. We’ll see where it takes me!