A Squishable Man

I happened to notice that Joe Manganiello has a very defined, well-formed physique.

I thought having an eight-pack was physically impossible, but according to Google images, it’s not. As much as I appreciate Joe’s physicality, I think hugging him would be like hugging a brick wall. I suppose you have to decide for yourself if the brick burn would be worth it.

That’s why I was doing a Google image search. I wanted to see if he was always made out of bricks.

Yes, sometimes I spend my evenings doing intensive research like this. What of it?

And if I’m such a thorough researcher, where’s the image of him, you ask? Well, I didn’t want to exploit him more than he already has been. The guy is more than his muscles, right…??

Anyways, I discovered that I couldn’t find an everyday, average body on the guy. He wasn’t always so sculpted, but apparently, he has always been…healthy.

I actually prefer a man with a little bit of squish to him.

I’ve talked about the subject of hugging before. Wine Guy was a 9 out of 10. Yes, he disappeared on me, but I still have to give him his props. But he wasn’t a perfect 10. That score goes to a guy I met briefly at a dinner party, years ago. I almost forgot about him. When we hugged goodbye, I discovered that his whole body was made out of memory foam.

Ah…

I have no idea what made him that way. He was deceptively normal looking.

“He was so soft…” I remarked to my then-boyfriend, who strangely enough, had nothing to say in response. Nor did he have anything to say about my hand gestures as I tried to further describe the guy’s squishiness.

The only things Perfect Hug Guy and Wine Guy had in common were their average weight for their height (about 5’7″) and that they probably didn’t work out at all.

Hm.

This may warrant some further intensive research.

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Postscript: It has come to my attention that I have been spending way too much energy wondering about the location and appearance of my future man/men. The fact is, there is no telling when he/they will show up. A gentle nudging from my friend Mae woke me up. It’s a good thing, too – disappointment was beginning to chip away at me.

So I’m redirecting my energy towards the here and now and giving nonexistent men a rest. I have more pressing issues to deal with anyways, like finding a new job, so from now on, my future posts won’t be about me getting impatient for that guy who is running super late.

I guess he’ll just have to catch up to me.

The Dating Jitterbug: Lesson Two

I went on my date with WG.  I still have my liver!!

Did you know that I initially met WG on Valentine’s Day?  Well, we met with our eyes.  As noted in a previous post, the way he stared at me was a little alarming. After I thought about it, I decided that he was either attracted to me or very, very frightened by me, which is completely understandable.  I honestly didn’t think much about it until three weeks later, when I went back to the store.  And look where I am now…it only took two months to get a date with him!  At this rate, I’ll have gone through menopause before our second date.

WG has mentioned that he sometimes has social anxiety, but I didn’t get a sense of a real disorder, at least not during the date.  Apparently, he’s one of those people that likes to fill their time doing stuff and can exist on four hours of sleep.  I, on the other hand, don’t always have to keep busy and wish my body would allow me to get more than six hours of sleep a night.  And I noticed that he seemed a little critical of himself, so maybe he doesn’t always feel comfortable in his own skin.  Who hasn’t been there?  What he doesn’t know about me is that I have a large capacity to accept quirky energy as long as the person doesn’t cross that fine line into, for lack of a better term, the truly bizarre.

I’ve told myself in the past to be open to dating all types of guys, even though I might not feel an instant attraction. But I have my limits. One of my tests for physical attraction is to think about the guy touching me in a very neutral place. For example, I might imagine him touching my elbow, where the wrinkly skin has hardly any nerve endings. If I react badly to this dead spot, I know I don’t want him touching me anywhere else and we probably shouldn’t date.

WG lightly touched my arm, shoulder, and back at different times during our date.  He got some game!  Well, he still seemed a little tentative, especially after I slapped him in the face.  Nooo…I didn’t do that.  In truth, I reacted…very well.  Of course, I wondered to myself if it was true attraction or effects of the man drought I’ve been experiencing, but that’s that damn over thinking thing I do.

Other stuff I noticed?  He seemed gentlemanly and polite.  Ate with his mouth closed.  Was willing to get hit first in a crosswalk.  Suggested we walk in the sun as opposed to the shady side of the street because he thought it might be too cold for me.  And I think he only looked at his phone once.  He said he recently got texting capability for his dinosaur of a phone, so I knew he wasn’t obsessed with needing to stay in contact with the world, i.e. Facebook, Twitter.  As you can tell, I like good manners, especially the getting-hit-first thing.  But he didn’t ask me many questions about myself, nor did he counter with his own when I asked him questions.  I think a good conversation has a nice back and forth to it, but I can’t fully weigh in on this yet until we talk more.  The date didn’t last that long – I think he fit me in between doing his other “stuff”, which yes, could be taken as a bad sign.

I have a question.  Is it a female faux pas to pay for something during the date?  I mean, I was the one that asked him out.  He paid for coffee and dessert, and then we also ended up at Pinkberry, so I insisted on treating him.  The guy shouldn’t always pay, right?  I’m realizing that I’m not a big fan of trying to understand the rules of dating.  It takes my brain into overdrive, and I can already tell that it could lead to mental exhaustion.  Nothing good can come of it.  To break it down, if I am myself (within reason, at least in the beginning) and he doesn’t like me, then I have to move on and find someone that does.  It helps if you can learn to not take it personally, as pointed out by thelovemanifesto.  That makes sense to me.  And besides, I think that’s what Tina Fey would do.

When WG walked me to my car, he asked if I would like to go wine tasting some time.  He used the Proactive, Yet Vague move on me.  Hey, that’s my move!  But it worked and I said yes.  When we hugged goodbye, I couldn’t have predicted that I would experience one of the best hugs of my life.  I may not have dated all that much, but I’ve hugged a lot of guys of differing shapes, sizes, and heights.  I’m like the Hugging Bimbo. Do people still use the word bimbo?  Remember Huggy Bear? That would be a cute nickname if you’re into that sort of thing, which I’m definitely not.  Where was I?  Oh, yes.  I’m pretty short, so my face constantly gets smashed and my neck wrenched against a guy’s chest.  I’ve damaged guys’ windpipes because they leaned down too far at the same time I was lifting my shoulders to reach up as high as possible.  I like a solid and warm hug (unless it’s with the aforementioned creepy elbow toucher).  When WG and I embraced, my brain told me to let go after a few seconds, but my body and his unforeseen talent as a HuggyBear kept me from moving.  I literally could not let go even though my brain was saying release! release!!  To his credit, he didn’t call the cops on me.  Come on…I’m not saying I kept my claws wrapped around him in a five-minute death grip.  Or did I?  No, I’m pretty sure it lasted about five seconds.  Try it on someone and let me know if it feels a little too long.  But find someone willing.  A thrasher doesn’t make a good hugging experience.

By the way, other than the over hugging incident, I have no idea how I came across on the date.  He could very well think that I’m the weirdo.  And let’s face it, I am, but in a you-might-not-like-this-but-it’s-good-for-you kind of way.  Will there really be a second date?  I have no idea.  It’s been five days, and I haven’t heard from him.  But I’ll tell you this much: the next guy I hug is going to have some huge shoes to fill.