I went on my date with WG. I still have my liver!!
Did you know that I initially met WG on Valentine’s Day? Well, we met with our eyes. As noted in a previous post, the way he stared at me was a little alarming. After I thought about it, I decided that he was either attracted to me or very, very frightened by me, which is completely understandable. I honestly didn’t think much about it until three weeks later, when I went back to the store. And look where I am now…it only took two months to get a date with him! At this rate, I’ll have gone through menopause before our second date.
WG has mentioned that he sometimes has social anxiety, but I didn’t get a sense of a real disorder, at least not during the date. Apparently, he’s one of those people that likes to fill their time doing stuff and can exist on four hours of sleep. I, on the other hand, don’t always have to keep busy and wish my body would allow me to get more than six hours of sleep a night. And I noticed that he seemed a little critical of himself, so maybe he doesn’t always feel comfortable in his own skin. Who hasn’t been there? What he doesn’t know about me is that I have a large capacity to accept quirky energy as long as the person doesn’t cross that fine line into, for lack of a better term, the truly bizarre.
I’ve told myself in the past to be open to dating all types of guys, even though I might not feel an instant attraction. But I have my limits. One of my tests for physical attraction is to think about the guy touching me in a very neutral place. For example, I might imagine him touching my elbow, where the wrinkly skin has hardly any nerve endings. If I react badly to this dead spot, I know I don’t want him touching me anywhere else and we probably shouldn’t date.
WG lightly touched my arm, shoulder, and back at different times during our date. He got some game! Well, he still seemed a little tentative, especially after I slapped him in the face. Nooo…I didn’t do that. In truth, I reacted…very well. Of course, I wondered to myself if it was true attraction or effects of the man drought I’ve been experiencing, but that’s that damn over thinking thing I do.
Other stuff I noticed? He seemed gentlemanly and polite. Ate with his mouth closed. Was willing to get hit first in a crosswalk. Suggested we walk in the sun as opposed to the shady side of the street because he thought it might be too cold for me. And I think he only looked at his phone once. He said he recently got texting capability for his dinosaur of a phone, so I knew he wasn’t obsessed with needing to stay in contact with the world, i.e. Facebook, Twitter. As you can tell, I like good manners, especially the getting-hit-first thing. But he didn’t ask me many questions about myself, nor did he counter with his own when I asked him questions. I think a good conversation has a nice back and forth to it, but I can’t fully weigh in on this yet until we talk more. The date didn’t last that long – I think he fit me in between doing his other “stuff”, which yes, could be taken as a bad sign.
I have a question. Is it a female faux pas to pay for something during the date? I mean, I was the one that asked him out. He paid for coffee and dessert, and then we also ended up at Pinkberry, so I insisted on treating him. The guy shouldn’t always pay, right? I’m realizing that I’m not a big fan of trying to understand the rules of dating. It takes my brain into overdrive, and I can already tell that it could lead to mental exhaustion. Nothing good can come of it. To break it down, if I am myself (within reason, at least in the beginning) and he doesn’t like me, then I have to move on and find someone that does. It helps if you can learn to not take it personally, as pointed out by thelovemanifesto. That makes sense to me. And besides, I think that’s what Tina Fey would do.
When WG walked me to my car, he asked if I would like to go wine tasting some time. He used the Proactive, Yet Vague move on me. Hey, that’s my move! But it worked and I said yes. When we hugged goodbye, I couldn’t have predicted that I would experience one of the best hugs of my life. I may not have dated all that much, but I’ve hugged a lot of guys of differing shapes, sizes, and heights. I’m like the Hugging Bimbo. Do people still use the word bimbo? Remember Huggy Bear? That would be a cute nickname if you’re into that sort of thing, which I’m definitely not. Where was I? Oh, yes. I’m pretty short, so my face constantly gets smashed and my neck wrenched against a guy’s chest. I’ve damaged guys’ windpipes because they leaned down too far at the same time I was lifting my shoulders to reach up as high as possible. I like a solid and warm hug (unless it’s with the aforementioned creepy elbow toucher). When WG and I embraced, my brain told me to let go after a few seconds, but my body and his unforeseen talent as a HuggyBear kept me from moving. I literally could not let go even though my brain was saying release! release!! To his credit, he didn’t call the cops on me. Come on…I’m not saying I kept my claws wrapped around him in a five-minute death grip. Or did I? No, I’m pretty sure it lasted about five seconds. Try it on someone and let me know if it feels a little too long. But find someone willing. A thrasher doesn’t make a good hugging experience.
By the way, other than the over hugging incident, I have no idea how I came across on the date. He could very well think that I’m the weirdo. And let’s face it, I am, but in a you-might-not-like-this-but-it’s-good-for-you kind of way. Will there really be a second date? I have no idea. It’s been five days, and I haven’t heard from him. But I’ll tell you this much: the next guy I hug is going to have some huge shoes to fill.
6 thoughts on “The Dating Jitterbug: Lesson Two”
Isn’t the phone thing annoying! I am glad WG isn’t like that, old skool phones are making a comeback! There is a blog post by a gentleman that I will not name, but the gist of it is that all this technology is making “falling in love” all but impossible. I have seen it first hand too. Going to dinner with people and their mind is else where, its annoying and a waste of time.
As a man, I have never figured out women and the hugging. Even with the same women hugs were confusing. A 5 second hug, I am sure his hamster is wondering what the long hug meant, not that its too long. Its just I am sure he is wondering.
If you want to help remove a mans tentativeness when he touches you, be like a cat, and move into the touch. Please yourself with it, this is your side of “game”. It lets him know that you don’t mind him touching you. If you don’t respond in this form, then he might think you might not like him. Know what I mean? Its a non-verbal communication that you accept him right now at this level.
Regardless, sounds like a fine date….
I’ve seen a lot of couples at dinner with their phones out, texting/tweeting/surfing and what not while they’re waiting for their food to arrive. It’s kind of sad.
I honestly can’t tell you if I unconsciously moved “into” his touch or not. I know I felt like moving closer, but don’t know if I did. I’d need to see a replay to break down my game. Hey, I just remembered – I got game, too! I touched his back at some point in the coffee shop. Now that I remember (okay, it took a while)! But don’t you think that the hug let him know that I don’t mind touching him? It wasn’t one of those pat on the back, just-being-friendly hugs where your bodies barely touch. How much more nonverbal could I be? BTW, I refuse to get hung up on this – he could be trying to interpret me in all sorts of ways which I have no control over, or he could not be thinking of me at all. Either way, I have to move forward. BTW, I made another proactive move that may be my last (why is it like pulling teeth?) – he’ll have to catch up with me if he wants a second date.
RE: “But don’t you think that the hug let him know that I don’t mind touching him?”
I have seen too many hugs, be just friends. As I stated, I can’t interpret a hug, perhaps he can. 🙂
Yeah the ball is in his court so to speak! Don’t let your hamster run…. spin another plate.
Eye contact is crucial, just like you mentioned how you saw him. If you think a guy is attractive, look at him, in the eyes. If you “stare” long enough he will understand, then its up to him to make a move. If he breaks off first, he is probably less secure than you, and more tentative, next him. I now do this all the time at work, to size up an individual, it has a pretty good success rate.
Try it in the grocery store, its a fascinating social experiment.
WG is on ice right now (not literally). I’ve occasionally tried the eye contact thing, but don’t know how I look. Maybe I just look surprised instead of interested, since I tend to get blank stares in return. There was one guy I saw at a bakery that I wish I had made better eye contact with, but I think my mind was on eating the fruit tart that I just bought. Gotta practice!
sounds like a pretty good date to me. i also like that he’s gentlmanly (is that a word?). today a guy opened the door for me and i was so perplexed and i let him cut in front of me in line? WTH?
I can see how much a person can learn about themselves on a date. I’m looking forward to the next one (with whomever). You let him cut in front? Did you do that to get a better look at him? You’re so “nice” in that way…haha! When will I be hearing about YOUR dating stories?