Grateful

Runners’ highs sure are unpredictable. I thought they were gifted to you after a run or maybe during some kind of physical peak, not right as you began running. The High hit me as soon as I stepped foot on the trail. It’s possible that I was feeling extra good. Or maybe it was the caffeine. No matter. The run had me feeling extremely grateful.

I love to run on the trail along the ocean. It’s probably hell on my knees, but I’m not a sprinter or a galloper, nor do I run the entire time, so I feel like I’m not punishing them too much. After I completed my first 10k on New Year’s day, I was grateful to have finished. I didn’t care where I placed or if I lost time to take photos of the course. It simply wasn’t enough for me to take mental pictures – I had to capture this:

New Year's Day - 10k

The view I have on my regular runs is spectacular. I get to see things like this:

Bathing Beauties

and this:

The View

I’m grateful to be able to see and experience all of the above. And not only with my eyes.

I’m grateful to have a voice that is growing stronger and am thankful that I know when not to use that voice (you should hear some of the things that go on in my head that luckily for you, I keep to myself).

I’m grateful for my health and for limbs that keep me going. Once castigated, my legs have told me, Don’t be ashamed of us anymore. Understood. My respect to you, you healthy burritos. And I say that with affection, not in a snarky way, per my usual self.

I’m also grateful for forums like this. For all of the Internet’s overindulgence and creepy-uncle aspects, it also opens up a world where people can connect in the best ways possible. It helps me grow and learn and discover. And in return, I hope I can extend that energy back out into the world.

As I mentioned in a post a year ago, I used to look at runners and think, “Really, now. Why?? Where are you even going?”

Where am I going?

Everywhere, with grateful intention go I…

The Deep Down

I am on the Brink.

The Edge of the proverbial cliff (of change, not despair).

At the end of every year, I feel a strong urge for revitalization. To shed old layers of skin and emerge with new intentions for the coming year and beyond.

I have had plenty of time to (over) think in 2013; I took chances and treated them as baby steps. It’s time to walk now. To run. To leap. I owe it to my self. You owe it to your self. I mean, I’ll do it solo, but I’m hoping to have company somewhere along the way. Whenever you’re ready. No pressure.

Some of my intentions are to be more aware of and quickly put a halt to self-judgment (work I’m continuing from 2013) and expectations, and trust and accept myself enough to just be. I’m going to strive to look at every situation as an opportunity to experience without expecting any guarantees of success or answers.

Is it possible? To throw everything you have into something or someone but be smart and aware at the same time? To have faith and also trust your instincts to know when and if you need to shift, adapt, stay or move on? Deep down, we usually know something is wrong for us. It’s our ego that holds on tightly; our stubborn, fearful, overprotective ego. It thinks it knows best, but it really doesn’t. It’s our deep down we need to listen to and strive from the center of that place. But I be crazy sometimes. I get carried away. I don’t always listen to my deep down – lalalalalaaI don’t care what you say, I want PYP! Well, I got what I wanted – sometimes at the expense of my self – and learned from the experience. Good things came from it, I carry them with me, and I carry on.

I’m looking to make some big-ish changes in the next few months. For now, I need my rest. I’m run/walking my first 10k at 9am. I guess I really am literally walking and running into the new year. No leaping though. Well, maybe I’ll throw in a leap or two in the name of triumphant symbolism.

Here’s to an incredible 2014. I hope it is filled with discovery, opportunity, purpose, good health, laughter, and love.