don’t judge a princess by her tiara

 

Isn't this a pretty sunset? *this is a blatant attempt to lure you into this post.

Isn’t this a pretty sunset? *this is a blatant attempt to lure you into this post.

I recently had a medical procedure – wait! don’t go anywhere yet. I promise you, this post will not contain any gross details. Unless you love disgusting and putrid information. In that case, Louis, my personal bouncer, will show you the way out. He lives for PX90 and eats metal for breakfast. Louis!!! 

Okay, back to my exciting medical procedure.

It’s always been difficult to get a blood pressure reading from me using those arm floatie things. I used to tell technicians about my history of arm-floatie-failure, but they never took me seriously so I stopped saying anything.

This time they gave it a good go using both arms, twice on each arm. Nothing. All four times, the cuff strangled my arms until they couldn’t breathe. If it weren’t for the good meat on these bones I’m sure my arms would’ve passed out and been rendered useless for writing this post. Wouldn’t that have been a shame?

I SAID, WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN A SHAME????

Okay, back to my exciting medical procedure.

Look! Another beautiful sunset. *and another despicable attempt to keep you here.

Look! Another beautiful sunset. *and another despicable attempt to keep you here.

The technician wisely decided to get the manual cuff and the reading was a success.

More staff arrived for the next part of the procedure.

Nurse (peering at me): “What happened to your arms?”
Both upper arms were marked with dark red, vertical lines.
Me: “Oh, those are from the blood pressure cuff.”
Nurse: “Well, aren’t you a precious little Princess.”

I consider myself pretty quick with the comebacks, but that line was like a kick to the head. All of my fancy, funny words fell to floor, stunned into unconsciousness.

Half the people reading this post know me. That’s two of you. And you guys know the irony of that statement. (Unless it’s a truth you’ve been keeping to yourselves, fearing I would go mental on you if you said it out loud.)

I don’t mean to diss any real-life precious princesses, but I think what she said is hilarious. I consider myself way too sensible and sarcastic to be a princess. I am not girly. Hell, my voice is lower than most men’s voices.

But I do have a fluffy, dreamy side to me. Sometimes I’m dainty. I can be bossy. I own 33 tiaras…damn…maybe I…

one of my loyal subjects bowing down to me

One of my loyal subjects bowing down to me.

...like the idea of being royalty.

But the label “Princess” makes me want to kick someone’s ass. Or their calves, since I’m too short to reach their ass. If I were a violent person, I could cause a lot of damage to a lot of legs. But since I’m not…

Louis!!!

I’ll sit for a moment and give this entire topic a bit more thought…

I wish I weren't wearing flip flops in this photo. I'm pretty sure royalty don't wear them. Darn my love of comfortable footwear!!

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