Different but the Same Match #2: The Motorcycle Chef

I know. I was beginning to exit through the dating door and leave The Chef behind because I didn’t think he was attracted to me. I swear to you, he had given me no signs whatsoever on our first date. No obvious body language, no touching me anywhere (I actually wanted him to touch my elbow), no walking me to my car. The last time I heard from him was through a late-night text apologizing for not calling. All I thought was, oh, he didn’t have to do that – he could have simply faded quietly away into the woodwork. Four days after the text, I got a phone call and we set up Date #2. I can’t believe I made #2! (this poo poo joke is dedicated to my more sophisticated reader. I love you bunches, you one person reading this post.) Two days after that, I got another call to change the time of our date. We ended up talking for over an hour. But I’m hesitant to take this as a sign. I think we just get along, you know, buddybuddy-like. It’s not my place to understand the minds of men, so I’m not even going to try. I say that, but since I’m a woman, the urge to know what they’re thinking is incredibly seductive.

“How about a hike?” He asks after telling me he can’t get together for dinner.

“Hiking makes me grumpy.” Every hike I’ve been on has been hot, dusty, and strenuous.

“How about a walk in the woods?”

I take this as a completely different suggestion and happily say yes. He laughs. Wait – did he just trick me?

“Or we could go for a ride.” He offers.


“On my motorcycle.”

“M-motorcycle?” My voice cracks. YesNoYesNoYesNo! Good Japanese girls don’t get on the backs of motorcycles! 

But I’m not a girl anymore and good is a relative term, isn’t it?

“Ever been on one?”

Now I have.  

I didn’t become Asian roadkill like I thought I would. Images of me tumbling off the back of his bike flashed through my mind during the first few 45 minutes of the ride, and I wondered if I would be able to tumble onto concrete skillfully enough to survive. He told me I could hold on to the rack behind me or hold on to him. Uh, yeah, like I’m going to sit away from you and reach back to hold on to two skinny little handles while we’re going 50 mph? I prefer to hold on to your handles, thank you very much. As soon as we sped up the hill from his place, I was like a suckerfish. A suckerfish using a Thighmaster. I haven’t been that scared since…well, I can’t remember. I don’t verbally freak out when I get frightened. I get quiet. And I was very quiet.

After a while, I realized that it seemed wrong goodjapanesegirl to be clinging to him like a baby chimp. My thighs and crotchal-area had become way too neighborly with this new man’s behind. I didn’t even know his last name. But what a thrilling, beautiful ride. We had a nice lunch at an outdoor cafe with a spectacular view, and we lingered there for a few hours before we had to head back. I was much better on the ride back. Less chimp-like, but my legs refused to stop clamping on to his no matter how much I told them to relax. I proudly call this “survival flirting”. Did I see any signs from him? No, unless I’m incredibly dense. I clung to him like brown on rice and he didn’t touch me once, although I suppose I did enough touching for the both of us. No flirting from him, no innuendo, nada. I thought I felt him looking at me when I was glancing at the menu, but he could have been looking at my chin hairs or thinking about Chihuahuas. How am I to know? And how can I compete with an adorable Chihuahua??!!

When we got back to his place, we stood on the sidewalk talking. I told him that I had to go to the local farmers’ market for work the next day and he said he would drop by. We made more small talk, and I started to get the distinct feeling that we were eyeing each other like two gun slingers – who was going to move first? How were we going to end this date? I finally went in for a hug, he kissed my cheek, and then HE over hugged ME.

Finally. A sign I can sink my teeth into. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Postscript: I texted him from the farmers’ market. He wasn’t coming. He didn’t want to fight the cold, windy weather to get there.

I’m beginning to hate signs.


7 thoughts on “Different but the Same Match #2: The Motorcycle Chef

  1. …fyi: guys give girls rides on motorcycles specifically to have the girl cling to them…

    …STOP trying to decipher any signs he may or may not be giving; just have a good time going out (preferably with a modest selection of guys) and don’t OVERTHINK IT…most guys have no distinct idea WHY they do WHAT they do at the TIME they’re doing it (other than they just feel like doing it at that moment)…in my opinion, this is what’s going on in his brain: does he like you? yes. does he find you attractive? yes. does he want to start something serious with you? he has no idea yet, so he’ll be acting a little like a cat (pet me, hug me, now get away from me) from time to time until he figures that part out…

    …well, that’s how i see it anyhow…just have fun going out for now and don’t OVERTHINK… 🙂


    • Don’t over think? That’s a lot to ask. I tend to like parameters so I can gauge what’s going on. Being in the dark feels uncomfortable, but I have to take a breath and let go.

      Sometimes I have to let all the random, crazy thoughts out so that I can start to calm down. What you said makes sense. Despite my occasionally craving for “knowing”, I’m having fun. Thanks for the advice!


  2. Humble,

    I get it, I have been guilty of the same thing. I love reading whats going on in your mind, its interesting to see how you look at things.

    I can sense your excitement! But everything looks a good from here. His aloofness is part of his attraction/seduction. It makes you wonder what you can do to “win” him over, which reinforces all the addiction chemicals.

    So enjoy the ride….. and as Nealy says try not to think about “does he” or “doesn’t he”, but are you the woman you want to be? Are you showing him that? You wrote last time that you were too excited, were you this time? Didn’t seem like it 🙂


    • I love having an advisory panel of men. Two makes a panel, right?

      “…are you the woman you want to be?” Thank you, Paul. I needed that. A important reminder. Dating is fun and unnerving at the same time. That’s probably why I need more practice.

      Oh, yes – I was less hyper this time. I didn’t meditate, but I no longer had those full-force, first date jitters.

      Thanks, as always, for replying with your words of male wisdom. It means a lot to me.


  3. The visual of you on a motorcycle and reference to baby chimp is too funny…

    No matter the topic, I love how you inject your sense of humor in your writing…so I am randomly reading your post, like a little novel I visit to make me smile, and to laugh out loud.

    This over thinking thing can be problematic for women, and human beings in general 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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