I Blog, Therefore I… (aka I Blog, Therefore I Hear Voices)

…Am…

…who am I?

I just started a blog workshop run by Susannah Conway called “Blogging from the Heart“. It’s caused me to think about my own voice. When I hear it, it sounds nasally, low, calm (though I’ve been told it can sound like I’m depressed) and bright and full of bubbles (overcompensating for those that think I’m depressed)!! My perception of my own voice – vocally and writtenly – is that who I really am? I feel like it’s one of those cases where I am too close to myself, therefore it’s difficult to see myself. No matter how I try, I can’t look down and see my own chin. But I know it’s there.

The blogs I like to revisit are the ones that are homey, welcoming, friendly, honest, and heartfelt. I want to write this way. But I continually want to make jokes. With a side dish of old-man humor. I find it very difficult to stop this way of writing. George Burns keeps knocking down my door.

In no discernible order, I tend to write with a/an:

unconfident voice – hi. no, not hi. i’m not here.
uncertain voice – where am i? who am i? where am i going? do i have to make a choice?
loving life voice – helloooo!!! look at your beautiful/handsome self! isn’t it all wonderful?
sure voice – i can do this. you can do this. we’re going to get there. we’re here, right now.
old-man humor/Fozzie Bear voice – waka waka, nudge, wink, didya hear the one about the…
philosophical voice – be. trust. faith. heart. it is what it is, so make room for it.

That’s a sampling. I have many voices like everyone else. If you only have one voice, it would surprise me. Again, you would be the kind of person I would like to tag and study. I’m joking (again), but not really. People fascinate me. I like hearing and learning about their process, how they make their choices, what makes them who they are.

I love it. I love people.

Now leave me alone.

Sometimes the grumpy voice likes to get the last word.

Now go out and be who you be and do what you do.

That’s the marriage of my grammar-goes-wild and philosophical voices. They don’t appreciate grumpy voice.

I never know how to end these things.

Perhaps it’s best to be pulled off the stage and –

 

Advertisements

Art, Thy Name is Phil

art.

I find the word kind of frightening. It’s only three little letters, but I might as well be spelling p-m-s or w-a-r. Okay, I’m being a little dramatic.  About war.

I used to make stained glass and mosaics using glass. I say “used to” because after I moved out of my house, I didn’t have the space (or the will) for it. When I packed all of my glass and equipment, I ended up with over a dozen banker’s boxes, and this was after I had donated about two boxes of glass to a local stained glass store.

Scoring, cutting, and soldering needs a certain kind of space, not to mention using a glass grinder and grouting. But I vowed to get back into it. Someday. At some point. In the future.

The journaling course, “Journal Your Life” run by Susannah Conway reactivated the creative side of my brain and I started to dabble in a bit of watercolor, drawing, poetry, and collage. Mentally, I find that painting and drawing are the most difficult to do – my hands and the paper act as two magnets: attracted, yet repelled. However, this year I’ve been trying to muffle the “YOU SUCK!” voice and have been experimenting with a neutral, objective frame of mind.

One step leads to another. It can lead to discovery – about yourself and the process. It’s very exciting. Cool. Neat. What are the kids saying these days? Are they still saying “da bomb”? How about “fo’ shizzle”? Um, I don’t think I’m using that correctly.

Here is how my one step led to the next:

This is Phil. I wasn't that pleased with how he turned out, but I was just experimenting. I set him aside; I figured he could useful for something later on.

This is Phil. I wasn’t that pleased with how he turned out, but I was simply experimenting. Oh well. I set him aside; I figured he could be useful for something later on.

Here's Phil after some scissoring. He's looking more handsome to me now...

Here’s Phil after some scissoring. He’s looking more handsome to me now…

The new Phil.

The new Phil.

I completed the newly reimagined Phil at 2am this morning. I couldn’t bear to stop and leave him unfinished. I was so happy when I was done; I’m surprised I was able to fall asleep. I’m supposed to go running today, but all I want to do is gaze at Phil. Maybe I’ll make him a sibling…

Phil, experimentation…whatever you want to call it – is so good for the soul. Be it baking/cooking, teaching, writing, exercising, and basically anything you put your heart into, you are expressing your inner self. It’s so satisfying, enlightening, interesting, da bomb. And another fantastic part about it – if you allow it – is that it seats you in the center of the moment, yet you’re moving at the same time. There’s so much beauty right there, right now.

Now that’s what I call ART.