Dating

Single and Ready to Awkwardly Mingle

/ jane in training / 7 Comments

Locks.  Keys.  Men.

Okay, maybe that’s too provocative an opening.  My friend Neal is going to think I’m talking about Fifty Shades of Grey again, which, by the way, I haven’t read except for the reviews.  And the reviews are hilarious.  I’m guessing they were better written than the book.

No, I’m talking about attending my first ever singles mixer last night with a group of my best girlfriends.  Even though I’m an introvert and prefer hanging out with a few friends as opposed to going to parties, I didn’t feel nervous once I made the decision to go.  I think it was all those years of being the girlfriend of a musician – I was forever going to parties, hostessing parties, and going to bars to listen to music.  I would be forced to talk to all sorts of strangers and then I would collapse at home, my capacity at being social filled to the brim.

At first, the mixer reminded me of junior high dances, where everyone sat along the wall glancing nervously at each other, puberty wreaking havoc on everyone’s self-esteem.  Replace puberty with fully developed hormones, and you have the mixer.  Girls in skimpy dresses getting the most attention?  Even if they looked like Mickey Rourke (post-surgery) in drag?  Ah, just like junior high..not to mention high school, college…you get the idea.

The lock and key aspect of the event was supposed to be an icebreaker or a “game” as one of the organizer’s called it.  If the guy’s key unlocked your lock, both of you were supposed to turn them in, get a new set, and also receive raffle tickets.  Some guys were so focused on the tickets that they didn’t even bother to say anything as they gestured to try their keys.  And then they would simply walk away if it didn’t open the lock.  At one point, I offered to turn both in so that one guy could continue talking to my friend.  As I was walking away, he shouted after me, “Don’t forget my raffle ticket!”  I’m long past taking things personally, so these kinds of exchanges just make me think, hm, interesting.  But I’m taking notes.

I wouldn’t say it’s the most organic way of meeting your special someone – if that’s what you’re looking for – what with all the cheesy randomness of whose key was going to unlock your lock, but I thought it was good practice for just being open to new experiences and interacting with all kinds of people.

I’m in no hurry to find someone, especially starting anything serious, but I realized that I’m open to slowly begin dating again.  Maybe a more natural environment is the best call for me.  I’m thinking of joining a running club after I move out of L.A.  I noticed that I tend to write mostly about running and men/relationships, but not in the same post.  Maybe it’s time to change that.

Men: The Early Years

/ jane in training / 4 Comments

Dating.  Karaoke.

Those two words make me cringe.  They have come up recently in my life, and because I can only tackle one frightening thing at a time, I’ll choose the subject of dating.

The topic has been floating around a lot lately between friends and co-workers.  We ask each other:  “How much younger?  Older?  Short?  Tall?  Type?”

“Match.com?”  shudder.

“Speed dating?”  nothing but crickets.

I have to face the facts.  My dating life has been…less than stellar.  Not only the number of dates, but the dates and relationships themselves.  Let’s see, in the beginning of my career there was:

– My first boyfriend when I was 15 years old.  It was a short-lived romance that started with meeting cute at a local fair over sno-cones.  It began to fizzle because I couldn’t get used to the way he kept throwing his tongue inside my mouth.  Because of my inexperience, I thought, is this what kissing is?  But I lacked the confidence to shout, “If I wanted tongue, I would have ordered tongue!”  I think it was his technique.  Yes, I’m sure he was the problem.

– The tourist visiting his grandmother.  We met while I was driving with a friend in town and he was riding his bicycle.  It’s complicated.  He should have been my first kiss, because – well, never mind.  I don’t know you that well yet, so I won’t go into it.  Anyways, he soon had to return to one of those funny-sounding cities in Washington.  He never responded to the letter I sent him.  That was before email, texting, Facebook.  It was so much easier to ignore people back then.

– Another short-lived romance was with a soldier stationed at the local military base.  “An Officer and a Gentlewoman” you say?  Not quite.  I met him when I took some friends’ kids roller skating.  He had a side job being one of those roller referees?  Monitors?  God JonBonJovi, it all sounds so bizarre when I say it out loud.  Anyways, we didn’t talk much – there was no need.  However, I realized there was a problem when I was writing to him and I didn’t know how he spelled his name.  Oops.

Wow, it’s kind of embarrassing looking back at those “relationships”.  And it doesn’t end there.  I’ve had some blind dates and interest from guys that make me question my ability as a female.  That’s why, when a friend was talking about a recent singles gathering called “Lock and Key”, I had all sorts of haunting images fly at me, from 60 year-old men who lived with their twin brothers to no one approaching me at all.

At work, I had been talking to one of the custodians and I mentioned that only crazy guys were interested in me.  His response:  “How come?  You nice!  You no fat!”

Yes, indeed.  Me no fat…I nice!  How come?