I heard that you should have some kind of unifying theme when you start a blog. So, upon hearing that advice, I froze, which usually happens when faced with an infinite number of choices: Paralysis indecisionatus. I’m pretty sure that’s Latin for “spineless behavior of the brain”.
I didn’t want this blog to saddle me with a specific identity. But if I have no theme…no clarity of purpose…well, maybe that is my theme.
The pressure to not suck at writing made me run away from my own blog, even before I had posted one word. Believe me, I thought about just posting: hi. i’m here. the end. But I couldn’t even commit to five measly little words.
Months later, here I am again, convinced I’m going to delete everything I’ve just typed out. Obviously, I haven’t yet, but I did come back and make some edits…yes, I’m one of those. But seriously, the blog police aren’t going to pull me over for writing without a theme (will they?) and besides, who the hell is even going to read this? I’m barely reading this myself.
Don’t think. Stop procrastinating. Just start typing.
I am going to train to run a 5K.
I’m very organized. I had my feet, gait and balance analyzed at a local running store and I bought a new pair of Sauconys and socks that will prevent blisters. I found an 8-week training program that seemed very reasonable for a yo-yo exerciser like myself. I’ve run/walked a few other 5Ks in the last three years, so I’m not a total couch potato. I can do this.
First day of training (yesterday): Run five minutes, walk one minute. Do this five times. I can do this.
I discovered that I couldn’t do it. Not all of it. I ran two cycles and started wheezing. My nose started running. My thighs suddenly filled with cement. And then I was hit with terrible cramps. No, not leg cramps.
I walked the rest of the way home, feeling defeated. I realized that I needed to train before I started my real training and I didn’t have any extra days to add to my program. It was the perfect chance to convince myself to stop this silly training. My fallback position.
At some point, you/I/whomever has to say to themselves, no, I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to stop myself before I even start. I’m not going to give up on myself. So what if I don’t run the entire 5K? There are worse things to happen in this world than not meeting that particular goal. More importantly, what I’m really trying to do is motivate myself to make exercise a habit. I’ve never been able to do so.
As a matter of fact, I should make writing a habit, too. I like it, even though I rarely make sense and am self-conscious about what I write and – oh. I’m doing it again.
Stop your self-trash talk and go immediately to www.oprah.com (another pep talk – Oprah cares).