“oceanfront property with plenty of great light. perfect for one very, very, very, very small person.”
Friend: “How big is your new place?”
Me: “Um, the size of a hotel room?”
Friend: “So it’s about 300sq feet?”
Me: “…”
Me: “…smaller.”
Friend (politely): “Oh.”
Tiny houses are the new rage right now, so people who live in these small spaces (and even smaller) might call my 250sq foot studio a luxury.
I’m not complaining. I do have to share a wall with a 25 year-old who is going on 15, so if I sound muffled, it’s because I’m biting down on a stick right now to keep from bursting out in language that I only use when I’m alone in my car.
But I have the space all to myself. Hallelujah.
I am incredibly lucky to be able to live in a city I’ve been wanting to live in, be in my own place and have the opportunity to transform it into a nest, a place that represents me and the peace that I crave. It’s been a long time coming.
For years, I shoved my needs into the shadows and misguidedly threw them under the bus in my personal relationship.
The Dark: It’s pain I can never forget.
The Light: It’s made me strong and soft at the same time.
I am part of that population for whom trust and faith in oneself takes time to revive, renew, and restore. And our work is never done. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be done. I don’t want to stop learning from, growing up in, and experiencing the billions of moments in this dazzling, unpredictable life.
For now, I’m home.
I can’t say it any better than the incomparable Joseph Campbell:
If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.
jane in training 
it’s yours and that’s all that matters, yay! although i’m curious to hear what you hear through that shared wall…maybe.
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errr…you don’t want to know what I can hear, haha!!
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…eh, stupid, noisy kids…
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Maybe I need to take up ping pong, too, to get the grumpiness out of my system.
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I’m all for continued growth, Jane, hurray for you!
Hopefully I’ll have a couple more decades of experiencing and embracing life. When I was younger I use to think people that had “no regrets” were nutty, but it turns out the older I get the more I realize you really do learn and can GROW from your experiences, even the ones that are super painful, so I’m getting closer to living life with “no regrets”.
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Yes, I know we all have regrets to some extent, but I think regrets keep you living in the past, which does absolutely no good for the here and now. I could do without the pain, but it’s in those moments where we probably learn A LOT!
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I loved the line “language I only use when I’m alone in my car.” It made me giggle because everyone thinks I never swear. Little do they know ;).
It’s amazing what you can do with a small space, and I’m sure you will make it a lovely home. My boyfriend’s place is quite small but I’m just in love with it’s coziness. I’m already thinking about how we might be able to squeeze a couple of kids into it years down the road (perhaps put one in the attic? under the stairs like Harry Potter?). Kidding, but I don’t ever want to part with it. It’s our first place to be together; the first place that we can make our own. I just adore it.
Living by the ocean must be lovely. I’m glad you’ve found your home 🙂
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Haha!! I don’t usually swear (in a serious way) in front of anyone. But there is something about driving that makes steam come out of my ears and bad words come out of my mouth.
Oh, my place isn’t that close to the ocean (my old residence was)…I miss it!!
I think it’s fantastic that you are building your nest with your guy. It’s a time to treasure and anticipate your life together!
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