Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind

April 12, 2013 / jane in training / 4 Comments

Four score and twenty years ago, I asked a guy out on a date. Well, it was more like: “Next time you’re in L.A., give me a call if you want to hang out.” I know. Being proactively vague is a gift. We ended up being together for 18 years.

Needless to say, I haven’t been on a date with someone new in quite a while. When I became newly single, I had no interest in dating – it wouldn’t have been a good idea until I found my own footing again. But I’m ready now and…rusty. Extremely rusty. It doesn’t help that I didn’t date that much before my last relationship.

Yesterday, I asked Wine Guy: “Would you be interested in meeting for coffee sometime?” Wow, I get more skilled as the decades fly by. Wait. Now that I think about it, it probably would have made more sense if I had asked him to meet up over a glass of wine. Anyways, he said yes, we exchanged numbers and…now what? I didn’t lock down a day and time. Was I supposed to do that? Why is this so awkward? I feel like I just went on a job interview after being out of the workforce for twenty years. Hi! Please hire me!

Clearly, I will be muddling through this whole dating thing until I get the hang of it. Or not. In the meantime, I respectfully and cautiously join the rest of the muddlers out there. Here’s to us.

Shall We Dance?

February 3, 2013 / jane in training / 4 Comments

I’m not sure what I was thinking. That’s just it. I wasn’t thinking.

After all, I’m still trying to understand the messages that my body sends me (see last entry). Sometimes two halves don’t make up a whole, and sometimes the result isn’t as funny as the movie promises:

The local dance studio had advertised “Disco Night!” which included a lesson in the Hustle and then a dance party to follow. I remembered how much fun it was to do the Hustle, and consequently, I thought it would be really fun to just let loose and dance afterwards.

What I didn’t expect was a formal lesson by award-winning ballroom dancers and as we learned each step, we would be switching partners. I went by myself in an effort to “get myself out there” and found out, hey – this is what speed dating must be like! Except, it turns out, this would be more humiliating. On a positive note, I was having fun learning the first few set of steps before things got complicated with full and half turns. On a not so positive note, if my guy also didn’t know how to dance and one of us missed a step, I got thrown off the ship and I took my partner with me. If I tried to laugh it off and the guy didn’t laugh at all, I felt terrible. Being responsible for my own demise was no big deal. But if I ruined it for someone else…

When the lesson was finished, the lights went out and the disco ball came down. I thought, Let’s Dance!!! Where’s Ren McCormack??!! But people partnered up to elegantly chachacha and hustle and do whatever choreographed step they were doing. Oh.

I watched the other single women being asked to dance and after fidgeting on the sidelines a bit, I left. I felt…awkward. I blame myself – I could have laughed it all off and not cared what anyone thought. The point was to have fun, and my feelings of embarrassment kept me from truly having fun.

I guess the point of trying something new is that at least you learn what you like and don’t like. After all, I don’t get the least bit embarrassed when I dance at weddings or other events where you can just let go and dance the way you want to. In fact, I’m positive that I embarrass other people. Maybe structured dance just isn’t my thing.

I was telling my mom about the experience and she said (translation provided in English), “When you were young, maybe 6 or 7 years old, you would put a record on and dance, dance, dance…dance, dance, dance…shake your booty, shake your booty…” (Sorry, I made up that last part. Couldn’t resist.) She said that I would dance and dance and laugh and laugh…

That’s how a kid dances, right? With complete freedom and joy?

That’s what all of me loves about dancing. There is no argument within because I can let it all go and feel like a kid again.

No, I probably won’t be going back to that dance studio. Not unless they combine speed dating with improvisational dance. Now where to find…

Single and Ready to Awkwardly Mingle

December 9, 2012July 7, 2013 / jane in training / 7 Comments

Locks. Keys. Men.

Okay, maybe that’s too provocative an opening. My friend Neal is going to think I’m talking about Fifty Shades of Grey again, which, by the way, I haven’t read except for the reviews. And the reviews are hilarious. I’m guessing they were better written than the book.

No, I’m talking about attending my first ever singles mixer last night with a group of my best girlfriends. Even though I’m an introvert and prefer hanging out with a few friends as opposed to going to parties, I didn’t feel nervous once I made the decision to go. I think it was all those years of being the girlfriend of a musician – I was forever going to parties, hostessing parties, and going to bars to listen to music. I would be forced to talk to all sorts of strangers and then I would collapse at home, my capacity at being social filled to the brim.

At first, the mixer reminded me of junior high dances, where everyone sat along the wall glancing nervously at each other, puberty wreaking havoc on everyone’s self-esteem. Replace puberty with fully developed hormones, and you have the mixer. Girls in skimpy dresses getting the most attention? Even if they looked like Mickey Rourke (post-surgery) in drag? Ah, just like junior high..not to mention high school, college…you get the idea.

The lock and key aspect of the event was supposed to be an icebreaker or a “game” as one of the organizer’s called it. If the guy’s key unlocked your lock, both of you were supposed to turn them in, get a new set, and also receive raffle tickets. Some guys were so focused on the tickets that they didn’t even bother to say anything as they gestured to try their keys. And then they would simply walk away if it didn’t open the lock. At one point, I offered to turn both in so that one guy could continue talking to my friend. As I was walking away, he shouted after me, “Don’t forget my raffle ticket!” I’m long past taking things personally, so these kinds of exchanges just make me think, hm, interesting. But I’m taking notes.

I wouldn’t say it’s the most organic way of meeting your special someone – if that’s what you’re looking for – what with all the cheesy randomness of whose key was going to unlock your lock, but I thought it was good practice for just being open to new experiences and interacting with all kinds of people.

I’m in no hurry to find someone, especially starting anything serious, but I realized that I’m open to slowly begin dating again. Maybe a more natural environment is the best call for me. I’m thinking of joining a running club after I move out of L.A. I noticed that I tend to write mostly about running and men/relationships, but not in the same post. Maybe it’s time to change that.