attraction

love, naturally

/ jane in training / 8 Comments

attraction in action

Couples fascinate me. If it weren’t for the possibility of life behind bars, I would make it my mission to capture, tag, and study them as they moved about in the wild.

How did you meet? Was there an immediate attraction? How did you ask him/her out? Wait!! Where are you going? Tell me your special tale of love!!! Remember, you’re tagged – I will always find you!!!

When it comes to love, I don’t think logic and science have anything to do with it. Have you noticed the variety of couples out there?? What you see in each other simultaneously baffles and delights me. If you have luck, timing, and mutual juju, the two of you are off and running into the sunset. Or the car wash. Maybe a Star Trek the Next Generation convention. Listen, I don’t presume to know what you like to do. It’s all good. It’s about togetherness, right?

valentine's sunset

I haven’t come across mutual juju in a long time. I’m not sure why. I’m relatively normal (don’t read my About page) and…well, that’s all I got. Oh, I’m not high drama (don’t read my other posts) and I get easily lost, which means I won’t crowd you. Because I’m lost. And I have no idea when I’ll return, so stop asking. Geez!! Get off my back!! Leave me alone!!!!

See? Plenty of space.

Anyways, my history of attraction has always been off-kilter:

I’m attracted to them > They don’t know I exist
I want to run away < They are attracted to me
I’m attracted (but he’s wrong for me) <> They’re attracted (but I’m wrong for him)

My future is a mystery. I don’t know if there will be several people over time or just one. I don’t know if I will ever meet them. Perhaps they exist but our paths may never cross. However, if our paths do cross, I’m sure I’ll recognize them. Until then (or never), I will go my merry way.

hearts

And while I was on my aforementioned merry way, I happened to speak to someone whom I failed miserably at recognizing. Not only did he feel familiar, he was kind, funny and warm. No warning bells went off like they usually do. We connected in a very easy way, had a lovely conversation, and then we went our separate ways.

It wasn’t until later that I thought: Oh…that’s the type of guy I should date! If he had asked me out, I would have said yes without hesitation. Not that he would have (see history of attraction above). I honestly don’t know much about anything anymore.

I had preconceived notions about attraction: !sparks! *fluttering* Mr. Darcy walking across a dewy field of grass at sunrise with the intention of proclaiming his love for me. While I was keeping my eye out for all of that, I didn’t see what was in front of me.

That's either Mr. Darcy or someone coming to kill me. Well, let's let him come a little closer before jumping to any totally logical conclusions.

That’s either Mr. Darcy or someone coming to kill me. Well, let’s let him come a little closer before jumping to any totally logical conclusions.

That guy gave me a gift. He showed me that connection can float in with an easy grace that is so organic, you don’t know anything is happening. It’s synergy in motion: click click with that person, click click click click with another person. If you’re lucky, your inner self aligns with another’s inner self with more clicks that you’ve ever experienced before. You get them and they get you. It’s real and heartfelt as opposed to thrilling, yet fleeting. Thrilling and fleeting are overrated. I’d rather have the fullness of the real thing.

So I’m on my merry way again: schooled once more, with Darcy on the shelf, and my heart click clacking as I go. With it being Valentine’s Day, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The List

/ jane in training / 5 Comments

Every so often, I come up with a list of characteristics that are important to me in a future relationship. These lists are often influenced by the previous guy I’ve been with or after I’ve witnessed some random man behavior. Once I make a list, I let it go. I don’t know the specific science behind it; I think it travels out into the universe and weaves its way into the space-time continuum. Yeah. That sounds right.

I made my very first list a few years ago after my long-term relationship ended. It was a hefty list. It weighed a ton. My last list, which was relatively straight-forward and short, described PYP to a tee. I didn’t realize it until I revisited that particular one. It’s a good example of a list coming to life and a reminder that even when a list is fulfilled, it doesn’t mean I will be.

As of today it’s been simplified:

A grown-ass man who is kind, loving and funny.

Needless to say, chemistry is very important. I can’t explain the science behind this, either – something about pheromones and juju – so I am providing examples and reasons having nothing to do with their looks (I’m forced to do this on my blog because Amazon.com doesn’t allow for a wish list for human beings. Seriously? It’s 2014!!):

Lenny Kravitz (sexy, musical)

Lenny Kravitz (sexy, musical)

Jim Halpert (sweet, funny)

Jim Halpert (sweet, funny)

John Krasinski (funny, sweet)

John Krasinski (funny, sweet)

Ryan Gosling (down-to-earth, funny. unfortunately, incredibly ugly. turns my stomach)

Ryan Gosling (down-to-earth, dry sense of humor. unfortunately, incredibly ugly. turns my stomach.)

Chris Cosentino, Executive Chef at Incanto (quirky, passionate culinarian - it's a word)

Chris Cosentino, Executive Chef at Incanto (quirky, passionate culinarian)

Hugh Jackman (gentleman, family man)

Hugh Jackman (gentleman, family man. needs to take more care of his body, though. just my two cents.)

Javier Bardem (charming, Spanish good 'ole boy. Despite his many intense, creepy acting roles, he is hilarious)

Javier Bardem (charming, Spanish good ‘ole boy. despite his many intense, creepy acting roles, he is hilarious on talk shows.)

Jimmy Fallon (plays in the moment)

Jimmy Fallon (plays in the moment)

There. It’s out in the universe now. Fly, list, fly…where and when you land is anybody’s guess. I have to move along now. There is much to train for in 2014…

The Chihuahua Effect

/ jane in training / 8 Comments

I didn’t expect to get picked up during my double date last weekend.

And then he literally lifted me straight off the ground and pretended to abduct me into a windowless van.

This happens every so often – the lifting part, that is. Not a very dignified thing to happen at my age, unless you count the time I needed to be carried across a rushing river.  But that was based on survival.

The Librarian wasn’t the one who picked me up – it was the husband-portion of the double-date. He totally upstaged The Librarian with his enthusiastic, open personality. I’m friends with his wife, but this is only the second time I’ve met him – the first time being very brief. He hugged me after I joked about my personal space, he lifted me up, and in general, he seemed to like me a lot. My friend was nonplussed. My own biased opinion is that I believe other women find me completely non-threatening. You can totally trust me with your husband or boyfriend. Seriously. Hand him over.

Why do I sound so creepy? I might as well have a windowless van, too.

Before you think what you’re thinking, I have to explain that The Husband’s reaction towards me is what I call the “Chihuahua Effect”. I never had a term for it before, but it seems fitting since I seem to like referring to Chihuahuas. If for some reason you think they’re cute, and they do something you think is cute, as in: “Did you see the Chihuahua? She has an underbite!  Haha! That’s so cute – I gotta take a picture of her!”, then the Chihuahua Effect is taking place.

I don’t know why I can’t find a single man that I find attractive to react this way. I wouldn’t have to work so hard. I’d simply flash my underbite at him and I’d be golden.

Match #1: The Chef

/ jane in training / 8 Comments

I’m in love!!!  

Not really.  I haven’t been on the date yet.  This is the pre-date portion of the program (I’ll be adding my post-date thoughts below).  I wanted to know what it felt like to be one of those women – I’m convinced they’re a different species – on “The Bachelor”.  You know, already in love with the idea of falling in love and then getting their heart broken by a guy they hardly know.  I loved him and I thought he kinda liked me!…weep, weep, feelings of despair…  Girl, get it together.  He’s dumber than a rock.  Join me on Match.com – we’ll find a guy for you that’s as smart as or even smarter than a rock!

You know, maybe I should get a job counseling these women.  Or work as a Marketing Strategist for Match.  I’ve found my new careers.

This is my first date through Match.  I’m trying to be optimistic by starting a numbering system, but that didn’t seem to work too well with Wine Guy.  One date, the possibility of another, and then he fell into the Bermuda Triangle of Missing/Non-Responsive Men.

My profile had been public for a few days when I was IM’ed by The Chef.  I was on the site, trying to figure out how to edit something in my profile:  how do you…but I just changed it…let me try – !!PING!! [IM window popping up] – ack!!  what the hell?!  I nearly jumped out of my skin.  When I peered at the small message box, I recognized the photo that came along with it.  He had viewed my profile earlier.  I thought he was kind of cute and more importantly, he appeared to be normal.  With shaking hands (I know, pathetic), I decided to respond.  And what do you know…our senses of humor were kind of the same.  Sarcastic?  Check.  Self-deprecating?  Check.  Age?  Oops.  He’s 41 years old.  I’m…older.  But that’s the good thing about Match.  He knew my age, height and hm, what else could have scared him off – oh, yes, the profile itself.  He read it and still contacted me.  He’s a brave man.  I have no idea what other women are writing, but I started my profile with sarcasm.  Isn’t that the way to a man’s heart?

Post-date Analysis  

Great date.  Fun, relaxed (well, he was), easy.  A guy’s guy, not a dude.  There’s a difference.  My ex was overly sensitive and emotional, so it was nice to be with someone who seemed at ease with himself and his guyness.  Not only is he a chef, he’s an Executive Chef, which I have to admit is kinda sexy.  Not the title itself, but the fact that he is in charge and has to know how to manage people.  Our sensibilities and senses of humor matched, and I thought he was cute, so I would definitely go out with him again.  The mystery question is whether he was attracted to me or not.  I have absolutely no idea, which is probably not a good sign.  I can’t think of anything positive said in my direction except he said I was tiny, he liked my boots, and that I eat slowly, which is the healthy way.  Like I said, nothing to go on.  I made him laugh, but so could a Chihuahua with an underbite, so that doesn’t say much either.  We hugged at the end of the date – don’t worry, I didn’t overhug him – and he said he would call me.  My first generic “I’ll call you”!!  I’ve officially joined the ranks of the dating masses!

By the way, I guess the sarcasm in my profile is not the way to a man’s heart like I thought.  I was talking about my profile when The Chef said, “Guys just look at the pictures.”  But I put a lot of thought into my profile and – “We’re guys – we just look at the pictures.”  Oh.  So much for that ‘A’ I was going for in creative writing.

I sent him a message today thanking him for the date.  If I don’t hear from him again I’ll have to chalk it up to his non-attraction of my 3-D self.  There’s nothing I can do about that.  I’ll simply have to go on *weep weep despair* and try to find a date that finds me more funny and charming than that damn Chihuahua.

I Am Cougar, Hear Me Roar

/ jane in training / 4 Comments

I’ve been on Match.com for exactly one week.

It’s early yet, but I’m beginning to think that it might be the perfect vehicle for someone like me.  It’s either that or I’m just fascinated by the whole social psychology aspect.  Maybe both.  I hardly ever get approached out in the every day world, so online dating is proving to be a good way to be seen, yet remain somewhat anonymous.  Shopping for men from the comfort of my home is what I love about the Internet.

Match forces you to look at people.  That’s to my advantage.  I wouldn’t call myself “first glance” pretty.  If you look real hard, I’m decent-looking from certain angles and when the wind is coming in from the SW at 8 mph.  I’m like one of those 3D graphic prints that you have to stare at until the other, secret picture appears.  Most people can’t see it right away; some people never see it.  Which is fine, because my secret picture isn’t for everyone.  On the Match site, I included a photo of myself right before I ran a 5K.  No makeup.  Hey, it’s how I look!  Like it or leave it.  Just stop staring at it – it isn’t going to get any better.  And I tried to convey my personality into my profile, not just a list of things I like and what I’m looking for.  I’ve read some guys’ profiles and they are so generic that I don’t get any sense of who they are.  They love food and walking on the beach?  Me, too!!  I’ve finally found my soulmate!!  All I can say is, if a guy contacts me after looking at my photos and profile, I’m assuming he has a sense of what he’s getting into.

I’ve been contacted by some guys, and a few of them have commented on my appearance.  I suppose it’s flattering, but for some reason I feel like it’s a red flag.  Maybe I’m just not the type to be won over by compliments, especially if I’ve never even met you.  One of my friends told me that she doesn’t respond to any kind of contact unless she’s interested.  Apparently, even a rejection email can open the door to unwanted attention.  I decided that I would only ignore someone if I found them especially creepy, but I could change my mind.  It’s only been a week – I could change my mind about this whole thing tomorrow.

I might go on my first Match date this week.  He’s young, but at least he’s over 40.  I’m a little hesitant because I’m tiptoeing into Cougar territory; he’s several years younger than the age range I had posted, but then the last few guys that have contacted me have been around the same age (including Wine Guy).  I’m open to dating someone older than me, but I don’t think I ever have.  Maybe this is my problem?  Whatever the case –  AAAAAAAA!!!!!!  My eardrums just burst.  Women everywhere screamed at me to shut up and go for it.  Well, there it is.  If there’s one thing I can’t do, that’s let womankind down.  Time to get to work.